The Toughest Day

I had spent two days writing some things down to say about Martin during his service. Just a few thoughts so the people who had not spent much time with Martin had an idea of who he was beside the Mesothelioma patient that he would be remembered for. Martin thought that was neat that I had done that for my Grandmother’s funeral four months before.

Have I told you that I am mad? I am furious that we are having to go through this. I am more furious that Martin had to endure the last 13 months in pain. Then when he left us on January 26, 2022, he was almost unrecognizable. Nowhere near the person, he was before. He should be remembered as more.

Before I knew it, we were starting the service. Immortality by Celine Dion started to play. I had sung that song hundreds of times, but this time was different. When the time came for me to get up and speak, I wanted to read the last paragraph first just in case I couldn’t get through the entire speech. As I started I felt a choking feeling. As I was reading the 3rd line I snorted! MORTIFIED is the only word. I should have addressed it and laughed because you know Martin was having a great laugh over that, but I didn’t. I couldn’t lose focus, I had to stick to the words just the way I had written them down. I would get in too much trouble if I didn’t stick to the script.

Our friends and preachers did a great job with the service and celebrating Martin and the person he was. Or do I say “is?” He still lives on within us so does that make him an “is” or “was?” Tim King did a fantastic job describing Martin. Coy read a very fitting verse:

Psalms 116:15 – Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his faithful servants.

We played the song Where Joy And Sorrow Meet. That was a song that we played at my Grandmother’s funeral four months before. Then DJ Dickerson lead us in the song, “Faithful Love.” Martin loved that song. But what he loved more was that Logan, our nephew, would lead it on the nights we had singing. One time he got up and lead it twice.

When we arrived at the cemetery we then sang, “As The Deer” and “In His Time.” Those were songs that Martin loved. While he worked out of town when Payton was a newborn he would call home and sing them to her so she could hear his voice. So it didn’t seem right not singing them in his presence one last time. We opted to sing the songs at the cemetery to not go too long at the service. The graveside service is always so short and this was the end. Now we were done. It was a wonderful celebration and now was over. All that was left to do was leave. How do you leave the one person you have vowed to love and cherish? The same person for the last 25 years?

Now I drive away to start a different life. But how do I do that?

5 thoughts on “The Toughest Day

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  1. Wendi, you are one of the strongest people I know. But it’s ok to fall apart and let someone be strong for you when you need it. I loved your tribute to Martin and ALL the songs that were selected! The Bee Gees will forever remind me of Martin’s smile! Love you!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Our sweet, strong and brave Martin. So many adjectives for him. Honest, faithful, loving, giving, servant and true. Martin touched our lives in so many ways.

    Martin was so sick but, he called to check on us. He would say “don’t worry, I’ll be ok.” I was so happy he would let me sit with him. When I left one time, he couldn’t speak but he managed to blow a kiss. I knew how hard that simple action was for him. And when he couldn’t speak and had little control of his body, it was huge to see a corner of one side of his mouth ever so slightly turn up. A very slight turn, but it was big to me.

    There not enough words to tell all the things he did for me. Like when my freezer went out and I was away. I carried the stinky contents out, cleaned the freezer, hauled the freezer off and then cleaned the mess it left in the garage. Exterminating my house, mowing the yard, picking up mail. He took me Christmas shopping one time a year. He drove me to show houses. Chopped wood, errands and checked on me when Danny was gone. And he did the same for GG. A man of God, a true servant.

    But most importantly, he took care of his family. He loved them and worried about them. He loved being married and loved having children. He once said he wanted a baby in every window. The smile and pride showed when he would hear Payton or Connors name. He knew his family would be alright. He was proud of Wendi being a Mama Bear.

    He too was ever mindful of his and their spiritual souls. Attending services was never a question. And being with Christians was important.

    Thank you God for this man, husband, father and son.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was telling Connor how Martin would take his coat off and give to the homeless lady on Highway 146. Connor said he never knew that. That was how Martin was. He didn’t tell any of the good things he did for others God knew.

    Liked by 2 people

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